Uncanny

I looked up the word uncanny today. I wanted to make sure I was using it right when describing the way my Japanese friends throw up peace signs in every picture we take.

Uncanny: strange; mysterious

It made me think of the Holy Spirit. How He has such a mysteriousness about him, that is so incredibly hard to pin. Yet, how when we think of the Diety all together, there is no missing piece, and suddenly its not so mysterious or strange anymore. Overwhelming? yes. Powerful? yes. All-consuming? yes. Hard to grasp? absolutely. but strange? not so much.

I found a letter from my aunt today. I visited her in Jordan over Christmas. I just recently came back to Auburn to start grad school, and as I was organizing all of my papers and cleaning out my luggage, I found her letter.

"Remember always my 'inheritance' to you. Silver and gold, have I none. But the fullness of the Diety in the purest, sweetest, most incredible romance only gets better and better. That is my promise to you!" - Aunt Lynn

It pulled my every heartstring. And the STRANGEST part is that had I found it immediately after I got home, it would not have had near the same meaning. It was so personal and neat the way God knew the exact moment I needed to read the letter. How the Holy Spirit used it to woo me, call me by name, and show me how personal He is. I'm such a brat in how I so often ignore His voice. But He's singing love songs to me nontheless. And He won't relent until I'm listening wholeheartedly.

-forever yours

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It's been 2 months since my last blog.

Something about being in a different place normally makes you feel anxious. But not here. Thousands of miles away from my bed planted firmly on American soil, and I am more at peace than I've ever been. My heart beats for these people. I love them, but only because He loves them through me. I feel so honored, and greatly unworthy.
Although I miss my morning drives through the country, talking over coffee with you, and shouting to You from the privacy of my car, I feel a new closeness to you here. A constant presence that is so tangible yet so abstract. I dread the day I must go back. Yet I'm drawn to tears thinking of being able to spend time alone with you again. I miss our dates, our chats, our songs, and the oneness I feel from just being near you. But in the desert, you are speaking tenderly to me, as I knew you would, just in a very different way.
Chasing your heart is where I belong, no matter where that may be. Until the day when I can hold you, touch your hands and feet, and see your magnificent face, I will seek your heart in whatever capacity it leads. My love, my prize, my portion, and my joy. Forever I am Yours.

I should be studying Reproductive Physiology

But instead I'm daydreaming. Long country drives drinking coffee and talking to Him have me giddy. Focus in class wavers as my attention is pulled back to Him. How can someone be so romantic? I don't even like romance. He is different. He loves me in my heart's love language. Predominantly rolling pastures, white clouds, farm animals, sunrises, and balmy breezes. Can His voice really be this audible? How have I not heard it so clearly before. I have had a taste, and now I'm enamored. I can't get enough. I talk to him as tears roll down my cheek. I'm no crier, but He moves me. I hear His voice, but I want to feel His arms.
When this drive ends, I know I will stray again. But You will call me back to the desolate places to fill my heart again. To spend precious time showing me Your extravagance. I pity the guy who attempts to fill Your shoes. I pity myself when I let him try.
Tomorrow morning is too far away. You're calling now for me to come away with you. Butterflies.
I will. If only this night will end.